Sometimes life just sneaks up on you, no matter how prepared you are to face it. I got that reminder a few days ago.
If you are reading this, then you are aware that I am in the early stages of a project where I attempt to shed a little light in an otherwise dark world. I would like to think that it is a worthwhile project, and one I could do some good things with. To me, there is no greater feeling than making a positive difference in another person's life, and that's what motivates me to continue forward with this idea.
That being said, I have prepared for the naysayers. Those who do not believe in what I am trying to do, or the message I am trying to get across. I am mentally prepared for when the critics show themselves and begin to make their attempts to discourage my efforts. I've said as much, out loud, to those who currently encourage me to continue, and believe, as I do, that there are people who could actually be helped and find encouragement themselves through my interviews and this blog. The person I was not prepared to face, was my worst critic. Myself.
I was on my way to pick up one of my kids from school when it happened. I started to doubt that what I was doing was really worth the effort I was putting into it. I began to overly criticize the quality, the content, the message, and especially my own role in what I was trying to accomplish. I thought to myself, "nobody is going to care about this stuff," "this is childish," and "this is just stupid." Then finally, "why am I even doing this at all? It's not going to help."
Needless to say, those thoughts swirled around my head the entire time I drove to and from the school, till I got home. And by the time, I turned off the car in my driveway, I had convinced myself, that it all wasn't worth it, and I should just stop trying. The chances of me making the kind of difference that I had hoped to make, were near impossible.
At dinner, I told my wife what I was thinking and explained that I was really starting to doubt whether, or not, all the time and effort was really going to make a difference. She asked, "where'd you get that idea?" I told her I conjured it up on my own, and her response, "Oh, you let the devil in."
Then it all made sense. I had prepared my mind for the all the criticisms I was bound to face (and could still face, by the way) working on a task such as this, but what I had not prepared for was the criticism I would come up with for myself. Even though, I knew better.
Self-doubt is the pitfall we all fall victim to once in awhile. Especially when we are working on improving something about us, or something around us. "Haters" are going to hate, and unfortunately, your own thoughts may turn against you, as well. But don't fret, because now we all know a little better, and are ready to face ALL the "haters." Yes, even ourselves.
P.S. The "This Way Out" mission is still in full effect. Despite those, myself included, who may feel one way, or another. I'm seeing this thing through.